Entries Tagged 'Just for Fun' ↓

Purim for Punsters

This past Sunday (February 28) marked the Jewish holiday of Purim. One of the most joyous days on the Jewish calendar, Purim is based on the Old Testament story of Esther.

Someone sent me this clever version of the Purim tale. Hope it brings a laugh to your day!

The World-Famous Story of Purim

by Meish Goldish

The story of Purim is an international tale.

King Achashverosh was Finnish with his disobedient wife Vashti.”You Congo now!” he ordered her. After she had Ghana way, the king’s messengers went Roman the land to find a new queen. And India end, the beautiful Esther won the crown.

Meanwhile, Mordechai sat outside the palace, where the Chile Haman would Czech up on him daily.

“I Haiti you because you refuse to bow to me!” Haman scolded Mordechai. “USA very stubborn man. You Jews are such Bahamas*! If you keep this up, Denmark my words! I will have all your people killed! Just Kuwait and see, you Turkey!”

Mordechai went into mourning and tore his clothes—a custom known as Korea*. He urged Esther to plead with the king. The Jews fasted for three days and grew very Hungary. Esther approached the king and asked, ‘Kenya Belize come to a banquet I’ve prepared for you and Haman?” At the feast, she invited her guests to a second banquet to eat Samoa.

The king asked, “Esther, why Jamaica big meal like this? Just tell me what you want. Unto half my United Kingdom will I give you.” Esther replied, “Spain full for me to say this, but Haman is Russian to kill my people.”

Haman’s loud Wales could be heard as he carried Honduran this scene. “Oman!” Haman cried bitterly. “Iraq my brains in an effort to destroy the Jews. But that sneaky Mordechai—Egypt me!”

Haman and his ten sons were hanged and went immediately to the Netherlands. And to Sweden the deal, the Jews were allowed to Polish off the rest of their foes as well. “You lost your enemies and Uganda friend,” the king smiled.

And that is why the Purim story Israeli a miracle. God decided to China light on His chosen people.

So now, let’s celebrate! Forget all your Syria’s business and just be happy! Serb up some wine and Taiwan on! Happy Purim!

*Behaimeh: (Yiddish) Animal, cow; ignorant drudge; when referring to a human being, means dull-witted
*Keriah: (Yiddish) Jewish custom of tearing one’s clothing after a death

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Which one of these puns is your favorite? Share a comment and let us know!

The “best” of bad signage

Words matter. That’s this week’s theme, in honor of Words Matter Week.

Usually I devote the first and third Wednesday to bad signage: examples of signs, flyers, and advertisements containing humorous grammar, spelling, and punctuation errors.

But because this is Words Matter Week, I’m going to treat you to ten of my favorites from the past year or so. In no particular order, here are the top candidates for the Bad Signage Award. I hope you’ll cast your vote in the comments section!

1. A flower grows in Brooklyn

2. Spelling suop

3. Apostrophes made to order

Book case's on Flickr

4. A true professional

Personal typist

5. The poster child of bad signage

6. This sign should be unortherized

7. Cheedear, anyone?

Product of Austraulia

8. How to slip and fall

9. Risky business

10. Is your child perpared?

When we see mistakes like these, we’re doubly conscious of the way words matter. What a difference correct spelling, grammar, and punctuation make. They really can affect the way people interpret the written word.

Which one gets your vote? Leave a comment below!

26 golden rules for writing well

26 Golden Rules for Writing Well

  1. Don’t abbrev.
  2. Check to see if you any words out.
  3. Be carefully to use adjectives and adverbs correct.
  4. About sentence fragments.
  5. When dangling, don’t use participles.
  6. Don’t use no double negatives.
  7. Each pronoun agrees with their antecedent.
  8. Just between you and I, case is important.
  9. Join clauses good, like a conjunction should.
  10. Don’t use commas, that aren’t necessary.
  11. Its important to use apostrophe’s right.
  12. It’s better not to unnecessarily split an infinitive.
  13. Never leave a transitive verb just lay there without an object.
  14. Only Proper Nouns should be capitalized. also a sentence should begin with a capital letter and end with a full stop
  15. Use hyphens in compound-words, not just in any two-word phrase.
  16. In letters compositions reports and things like that we use commas to keep a string of items apart.
  17. Watch out for irregular verbs that have creeped into our language.
  18. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
  19. Avoid unnecessary redundancy.
  20. A writer mustn’t shift your point of view.
  21. Don’t write a run-on sentence you’ve got to punctuate it.
  22. A preposition isn’t a good thing to end a sentence with.
  23. Avoid cliches like the plague.
  24. 1 final thing is to never start a sentence with a number.
  25. Always check your work for accuracy and completeness.

~Author Unknown

If anyone knows who wrote this, let me know. I’d love to give proper credit.

Recipe for writing a paragraph

Recipe for Writing a Paragraph - Help kids prepare, combine, season, garnish, and sweeten their writing | In Our Write Minds

Here’s a fun recipe for writing a paragraph! Directions will guide your students to create tasty compositions by preparing a topic, combining ideas, garnishing with interesting words, and adjusting flavors.

Recipe for Writing a Paragraph

Ingredients

1 Topic sentence
1 Main idea
Handful of supporting details
5-7 Sentences
2-4 Sentence variations
Active verbs
Strong nouns
Pinch of adjectives and adverbs
1 closing sentence

Directions

  1. Prepare a topic sentence that introduces the main idea.
  2. In a medium-size paragraph, combine main idea and supporting details into 5-7 sentences.
  3. As flavors begin to develop, drain off excess “to be” verbs such as is, am, are, was, and were.
  4. Stir in a generous helping of active verbs and strong nouns. Replace several subject-verb sentence starters with more interesting sentence variations.
  5. Arrange sentences neatly on a bed of lined paper, moving sentences and words around to achieve the desired effect.
  6. Garnish the composition with just enough adjectives and adverbs to add flavor and color.
  7. Wrap up the paragraph with a satisfying closing sentence.
  8. Misspellings and incorrect punctuation will add bitterness, so sweeten the paragraph by making necessary adjustments.
  9. Sample the composition. If it’s too thick, remove excess words or phrases. Substitute spicier words for repeated or flavorless ones. If the paragraph lacks seasoning, pepper it with a few more vivid words to taste.
  10. Serve it to several hungry readers and adjust the arrangement or ingredients as per their suggestions.

Copyright © 2010 by Kim Kautzer. All rights reserved.

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Photo: Jules, courtesy of Creative Commons

Spelling repair needed

Methinks Best Auto Repair is in need of Best Spelling Repair. Seems that poor Mr. Best never learned the “rule of silent e.” 

Hmmm…but suppose he really does change lubs and do tun ups. I’m no auto mechanic, so what do I know?

Maybe the joke’s on me.

. . . . .

Stop by every 1st and 3rd Wednesday for a peek into the world of spelling, punctuation, or grammar gone wrong!

Bakery blunders

"Hour" fearless leader

No candles "aloud"

Serious homophone issues—two good reasons why you should ALWAYS give the bakery written instructions!

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Stop by every 1st and 3rd Wednesday for a peek into the world of spelling, punctuation, or grammar gone wrong!

Photos used with permission from Jen at CakeWrecks

No grander the second time around

This is what you need when your grand opening isn’t quite grand enough.

. . . . .

Stop by every 1st and 3rd Wednesday for a peek into the world of spelling, punctuation, or grammar gone wrong!

Owed to the spell checker

A great example of why it’s best not to let kids rely on spell check!

Candidate for a Pullet Surprise

I have a spelling checker,
It came with my PC.
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss steaks aye can knot sea.

Eye ran this poem threw it,
Your sure reel glad two no.
Its vary polished in it’s weigh.
My checker tolled me sew.

A checker is a bless sing,
It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
It helps me right awl stiles two reed,
And aides me when eye rime.

Each frays come posed up on my screen
Eye trussed too bee a joule.
The checker pours o’er every word
To cheque sum spelling rule.

Bee fore a veiling checker’s
Hour spelling mite decline,
And if we’re lacks oar have a laps,
We wood bee maid too wine.

Butt now bee cause my spelling
Is checked with such grate flare,
Their are know fault’s with in my cite,
Of nun eye am a wear.

Now spelling does knot phase me,
It does knot bring a tier.
My pay purrs awl due glad den
With wrapped word’s fare as hear.

To rite with care is quite a feet
Of witch won should bee proud,
And wee mussed dew the best wee can,
Sew flaw’s are knot aloud.

Sow ewe can sea why aye dew prays
Such soft wear four pea seas,
And why eye brake in two averse
Buy righting want too pleas.

. . . . .

Copyright © Jerry Zar, 29 June 1992

Jerrold H. Zar
Graduate School
Northern Illinois University
DeKalb, IL 60115
jhzar@niu.edu

Title suggested by Pamela Brown.
Based on opening lines suggested by Mark Eckman.
By the author’s count, 123 of the 225 words are incorrect (although all words are correctly spelled).

Published in the Journal of Irreproducible Results, January/February 1994, page 13. Reprinted (“by popular demand”) in the Journal of Irreproducible Results, Vol. 45, No. 5/6, 2000, page 20.
Journal of Irreproducible Results, Box 234, Chicago Heights IL 60411 USA.

Marry Christnos!

I hope everyone is enjoying a wonderful Christmas season!  Here are a couple of cake gems to sweeten the holidays a little bit more.

Holiday’s Happe would make more sense provided that someone named Holiday owned a Happe.  However, that sounds a lot more like a phrase from a Dr. Seuss book than a snowman cake!

I believe this cake is actually telling the recipient to marry someone named Christnos.

Marry Christnos, everyone!

. . . . .

Stop by every 1st and 3rd Wednesday for a peek into the world of spelling, punctuation, or grammar gone wrong!

Photos used with permission from Jen at CakeWrecks

Sharp sign

Typos sharpened, please?

  

We’ve all seen unnecessary apostrophes, right? But here’s a new one: adding commas where even apostrophes don’t belong. And as if that weren’t bad enough, they’ve graced us with a glaring misspelling as a bonus! Awfully generous, don’t you think?

. . . . .

Stop by every 1st and 3rd Wednesday for a peek into the world of spelling, punctuation, or grammar gone wrong!

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